Sunday, May 9, 2010
holidays are here! and i want each day to be filled with meaningful fun things because life is short. i think i am scaring africanboy with my constant reminder that life is short. it is a good thing because nowi feel that getting angry or sad or whatever is a waste of time and i should not do that. so scary because i never know whether this would be my last post, the last time i talk, the last time i ever say i love you. okay not that i ever really say those words out of my mouth. but i think its really scary to die. live to die. live to die. all the things in my room. will they be kept where they will be? or pass on to .... i dont know who. times like this i feel that life shouldnot be all about material stuffs, about how much money i hvae to shop but the times i spent with my friends. but i think what scares me is that because i keep thinking about death, i feel that mine is coming nearer. they say that what you fear most will always come faster than it should be. the less you fear the slower it will take to arrive. i even feel that my body is weakening. like my appetite drop by half? its so rare that i can keep a relatively flat stomach for so long! its not that i dont want to eat but i cant eat. it even makes me think huh am i anorexic or whatsoever? but i dont think so. losing weight is never on my list. but complaining about fat i do that. not the fat fat but there are days you feel that you are fatter than usual. but no i do eat. so now beacause of fear, i try to eat healthier. eat real meals only. less biscuits sweets chocolates. i rejected potato chips and ice cream even! but also because i got no appetite for sweet things or something unhealthy. fear is such a great thing its changing my lifestyle and thinking. but i do not want to die earlier so i should keep my fear in check and not let it haunt me. but to let fear of death to serves as a reminder that life should be spent more meaningfully. hmm how to balance friends and family? i really want to be out everyday to be with friends but if thats the case parents will see me only at night. hmm learning to balance it. so todays mothers day! and i feel so bad because i only have money to buy flowers for my mummy but not for all my aunties and grandma:( i wish i have shop less. bank no money to buy even 5 other single roses. at least i got a small bouquet for mummy! ohhh too much thoughts in head this is probably the reason why i am feeling giddy now! been procastinating about a full body check up for the longest time too! just to be safe! okay shall head for my books later! storybooks this time round:)
ask me outtttttttt!! best is in the morning and afternoon. haha before 6:)
oh and shiya! the gold necklaces look like a loanshark when worn! i mean i look like a loanshark when i wear the necklaces haha! show you next time;)
michelle.c
10:32 PM
