Saturday, January 21, 2012
Hey, its been too long since this space is ever updated.
The burning need to write on this space arises from a very stupid thought of mine. Not going to list it out cos I am going to sound really racist or bad. Really stupid.
Sigh..
And I also kind of regretted cleaning up my shelves.. cos I found many old photographs and items that brought back lots of memories. I was just looking through this album and then I saw the photo where we took with Mr Ng. And then I realise i dreamt of him last night. And in the dream, I saw him for a second and I shuddered cos even in my semi-conscious mind, I knew he had gone. So I actually saw with my own eyes that he is sitting there and I am ashamed to say I was afraid. He has been a really really great teacher. I look up to him. If only there was someone there to be a listening ear for him, then his life might not have ended up that way. I didn't dare to look at him at the funeral.
If not for finding the photo, I would have only remembered the happy part of my dream. That J actually went through a lot with the help of my friends to plan his proposal to me. I woke up feeling really happy and instantly messaged him about it. Its been so long since i dreamt of happy stuffs.
But on the other hand, I should not say that I regretted cleaning the shelves, cos it made me realise that even if a person is gone, he or she lives in our heart still. Although we do not always have them in our mind but they have been part of our lives.
While cleaning, I also found photographs taken back when I was with other guys. And then I start to think.. when I marry, I don't suppose I can keep any of them anymore? What should I do with them then? I cant bring myself to throw them away definitely. Simply because they bring back good memories. Everything is so innocent back then. It must have been puppy love right? Though I don't know what puppy love is but since we were so young then. Although I knew I was heartbroken when I was left to be alone back then. (By which it means I was dumped). SO, those who married with their first love will have no such worries of having to throw out their- ex lover gifts and letters and blah..lucky....
I am going to sound really pathetic, but I hope I would not get dumped again. Just a random nagging thought of mine.
The funny thing about blogging is that I will never read back what I wrote. So i should say, all these negative thoughts shall leave me and stay here. where i wont ever read it again. It sure feels good to type everything out.
Labels: penny for my thoughts
12:50 PM
